Hope

With Christmas passing by so fast I can't help but feel a sadness inside. About a week before I made a mental note that I need to keep the spirit in my soul. Since I was about 17 I have felt the Christmas spirit missing from me. Becoming a mom, I have really have fought to bring it back and embrace everything Christmas through out the holidays. This year was the first year that Carter is understanding what Christmas is, but not yet understands the meaning.

A young memory: When I was about 5, I remember walking into what is now Macy's;  then was Meier and Franks (which will always be missed!) with my dad, brother, and then step-mom. I remember the doors were so marvelous, mirrored glass and so big. It always reminded me of a beautiful mansion you'd see in the movies. Out side of these door, stood a bundled up middle aged woman ring a bell and wishing the gobyers a Merry Christmas. The gobyers would drop their change into her bucket and go on their merry way. As we walking by and almost through the store, my dad noticed that the little girl holding his hand was crying. My much worried Dad stopped and knelt down to me and asking,"why are you crying?" (One of the few times I've ever seen my dad show a sad and worried emotion.) I replied to him with my concern that we didn't give our change to the lady and didn't help. Then and there my dad realized that his little girl had a big heart for other and those in need. And I have never let the heart go.

Having such a heart, I desperately want to pass it on to my boys. This year I have started Carter in on giving to those in need. I collected blankets to give to the homeless and shelters. Carter and one of his friends this year were able to help me and his friends mom deliver blankets to kids in need among other items like baby wipes and toys. I also let him pick out the tags from the giving tree and help buy the items to fill them. 

Back to Christmas. Christmas Eve, I was able to host a Brunch for all my siblings and their families with my mom and grandpa. (Papa) This was the first year in many years that we have a Christmas meal with my mom and it felt so good that I was able to host a party for her and papa. This did the spirit into my soul for a short time while we were all together. Then it was back to all the hustle the season bring. Growing up with divorced parents, we were back and forth on Christmas Eve and Day between our mom's and dad's house.  

Being married it just adds that much more hustle.

This year I decided that it was time for us to start our tradition for our family and push the grandparents back a little bit. Some were not happy about it but  it is time now that Carter is understanding it all. It is important to us and ME that we have our own time instead of rushing threw ours to get to others houses. Even though my thought out cinnamon rolls didn't happen do to me being way too busy and tired we did start a tradition that I hope will last for many more years that but will not, we got to sleep in til 9:30! Very nice.

With the boys smiles at each gift opened it sure warmed my soul.

I hope that with the years to come my soul will be filled with more warming moments from the smiles and laughs of my boys. Until next year for more of those sadness to be filled with hope.

Hope your Christmas filled you soul with many memories with family and friends.